Chilling Like…A Real Chill Thing

LOL what was I thinking. I don’t have the constitution for casual flirtation and really never have. So of course I’m feeling off-balance now. I always get weird and wistful and confused. Not just with the flirtation itself, which still holds some allure but is sort of pointless, but also with my marriage and what it all means. Then I walk around and wonder about it.

My workplace crush said I have no chill. Which is funny because that’s the first time anyone has every said anything like that to me.


My dad used to say, “You’re great, you just don’t know when to quit.” My mom used to say, “Don’t be overwhelming.”

My ADHD coach said it a different way: “ADHD energy can be really hard to receive.”

Today I was teaching a classroom full of teenagers how to notice if a conversation is a shared conversation or a conversation that is out of balance. They were really good at it. I looked down at my texts and saw what I usually see when I’m hyperfocused on someone. About a 3:1 ratio. My three texts, their one text. My three texts, their one text. Then you have me, trying to do one text for a while. Let me do the actual word count right now.

Ummmmmm wow. Yeah. Please see above.

I showed one of my teletherapy students this tally. We are working on social language goals and he regularly takes charge of the conversation with video game play-by-plays. He is also 12. He saw the tally and he said, “Whoa. That’s really too much texting, period.”

Then he proceeded to tell me a five-minute play-by-play of his most recent Fortnite experience.

My husband said my crushes are kind of like whack-a-mole, but isn’t everything basically whack-a-mole? You hit one thing then another thing comes up. Repeat. Not that you can’t change it but the mole is still gonna come up, is it not?

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